Our Accidental Detour to Cairns & The Daintree
It was supposed to be the day... Moreton Island. Shipwrecks. Dolphins. Frolicking. The full cinematic indie-core experience. We were ready to serve windswept-main-character energy on a silver platter.
But ol’ Poseidon said:
“You shall not pass.”
The water taxis were cancelled… No shipwrecks. No dolphins. No moody stares into the middle distance.
Just us… and a floating buffet with Wi-Fi and 2000 retirees in crocs.
What do you do when your island dreams get shipwrecked?
Glad you asked.
We did what all emotionally resilient, very full, slightly sunburned legends do:
Ate like it was our last meal. Spoiler: it wasn’t. The buffet is open nearly all day…
Played Bananagrams. I won. Every. Single. Game.
Suck it, cruise fam.Got annihilated in trivia.
The boys took a pre-dinner hot tub soak.
I got a pedicure so sensual, my toes could start an OnlyFans and fund my next trip through foot pic subscriptions from international waters.
Plot twist: No Moreton, But Double Cairns?! NOICE.
In a surprise twist, the captain ditched Moreton altogether and gave us two days in Cairns instead. Justice. Sweet, sweaty justice.
Disembarking: Like Majestic Sea Creatures… If Sea Creatures Wore SPF 50+
We waddled off the ship and picked up a rental car - $40 a head for 6 of us, for two days - PERFECT. We were ready to hit the road like modern-day explorers with portable snacks and control issues.
First stop? Lookouts. Because apparently, the hottest activity in Far North Queensland is standing on cliffs pretending you're in a Qantas commercial.
Port Douglas: Big “I Eat Gelato at Noon” Energy
This town is adorable. Like if a beach town and a lifestyle influencer had a baby and raised it on smoothies and sea breeze. After a quick pit stop (read: more food), we powered north to the Daintree Rainforest… a.k.a. Jurassic Park, but make it humid.
I had one goal:
See a cassowary.
Majestic, terrifying murder chicken of the tropics.
Did I see one? No.
Did I get jump-scared by plastic statues of one thanks to Bec yelling “THERE’S ONE!” every 14 seconds? Absolutely.
My trust issues have never been stronger.
A Car Ferry, Roadworks, and a Kangaroo Rat Walk Into a Jungle…
To get into the Daintree, we had to board a car ferry. It’s basically a floating slab of metal that yeets you across a croc-infested river. 10/10 would do again.
Then came the cyclone damage detour. Roadworks. So. Many. Roadworks. We stopped more for traffic lights than we did for wildlife.
Highlight: We saw a kangaroo rat, which is basically a bootleg Pokémon. Cute, fast, and definitely plotting.
The Daintree Verdict?
Gorgeous. Humid. Slightly haunted by the cassowary I didn’t see.
INXS, Bedtime, and Botanical Garden Chaos
That night we saw Ciaran Gribbin, final frontman of INXS, smash out the bangers.
While the rest of the crew hit up a comedy show afterward, I went to bed. Because I’m a Responsible Adult™ who occasionally pretends to have a bedtime. We all make choices.
Next day: Cairns Botanical Gardens.
Plants were thriving. Mozzies were thriving harder.
Jaeden tried to camouflage in his jungle button-up, but we still spotted him, mostly due to the swearing.
Then came DFO.
We shopped.
We dropped.
We rolled back onto the ship like seasoned cruise goblins. Played trivia (again).
Watched Voice Auditions: Heat 2 (still iconic).
And yes, I’m still mad about the cassowary.
Final thoughts?
If you ever get stranded at sea, lose a trivia battle, miss a murder bird, and still have the time of your life…
You're doing travel right.
Catch you at the buffet…